Friday, June 27, 2008

A Dump a Day

Taking a shit is the most incredible experience in existence. The moment I park my ass on the porcelain throne, I feel like I'm one with the universe. It's the perfect balance between satisfaction and solitude, which in turn leads to great epiphanies. Every single good idea I've had in my life was conceived during one of my many, many fecal conquests. In fact, I came up with the concept for writing this article while I was taking a huge dump the other day. Ass-blasting rules.

Great bowel movements make great men. Some of the greatest people of all time came up with their respective legacies in the crapper. Mahatma Gandhi and his peaceful revolution? He thought of it during a massive diarrhea attack due to a bad helping of curry (which also led to Gandhi's personal hunger strike and his turning into a vegetarian). Einstein and his theory of relativity? The guy nearly popped a vein trying to make a particularly strong batch of ass-coffee, which led him to believe that time slows down while one is suffering. As a matter of fact, Hitler would have probably conquered the entire world if he had taken a schiesse break on a regular basis. Remember kids:

A dump a day ,
Keeps colon cancer away,
It's also a good way,
To keep the butt-pirates at bay,
And may someday,
Help with your life gone astray,
So that history may,
Remember you for eternity and a day.

5 comments:

The_Great_One said...

lol XD Who hasn't conceived anything deep while taking a dump? You can even think of the meaning of life while taking a dump... only thing is you forget after finishing taking the dump lol ahahah

Razaele said...

Just as long as you don't forget to wipe.

Kevin said...

That was sheer comedic gold (that's true, although I wouldn't want the world to be lacking Jews because of Hitler taking a shit). Lol. What a great blog. Looking forward to next week!

Razaele said...

Thanks man. Glad you like my blog!

Maricel said...

OMG a poopie post! LOL! Nice rave. Hahaha!